My Journey Understanding Spirits and What It Means to Be a Medium

Years ago, early one morning I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to start my day. I got dressed and was doing my hair and make-up when suddenly an old childhood friend came to mind. I began imagining that I was having a conversation with him. I closed my eyes and pictured him in my mind, and imagined him coming to me with an apology. The apology felt real and touched me deeply. I actually sensed that I had some long-buried anger towards this friend, and when he ended his imaginary apology, I began to re-live some events that had happened between us that were still somehow painful, even though long forgotten–or so I thought. I continued my imaginary conversation, telling him how I felt, and how he had hurt my feelings, and the many reasons why I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to completely forgive him.

That’s when I noticed a feeling of warmth surround my body, almost like someone was giving me a hug. He told me he understood why I was still angry and that he regretted the times he treated me badly. The conversation in my mind continued, but this time, the words were flooding my mind faster than I could invent them. In other words, I suddenly wondered if I was indeed having a real conversation with my friend who was in spirit.

You see, my friend had died from a congenital illness when he was in his early thirties. We hadn’t spoken or seen each other since early high school. When I heard he had passed away, I managed to get the day off work and travel four hours across state for his memorial service. After that day, I moved on with my life. I hadn’t thought of him in years.

Hearing him speak to me that morning several years later felt so real, and I knew I wasn’t making it up, even though I thought I was just playing out a scenario in my mind at first. I knew in my heart that I indeed was visited by the spirit of my friend who had unfinished business with me, or perhaps I with him.

Having that experience began to validate other experiences I had over the years. The feeling of being watched when no one was around, the sense that someone was behind me when no one was there. Having unsettling thoughts seemingly out of nowhere that made no sense to me at the time. Seeing flashes of lights and shadows out of the corner of my eye. Most of these I explained away or simply ignored.

I didn’t equate my experience conversing with my friend as anything other than an anomaly. Although I would continue to have random experiences, I never understood what was happening. I figured everyone had these things happen to them. I never thought it was something I needed to pay attention to. Perhaps I was too afraid to let myself explore this realm of the unknown, and so I kept it to myself.

One day I was given a book by James Van Praagh called Unfinished Business. This book was riveting. I began to understand that sometimes when people die, there are things left unsaid, items that feel incomplete, relationships that still need mending, apologies that need to be heard.

I thought back to the conversation with my friend and realized that perhaps he came to me that day to say he was sorry, both to help him move on in the spirit world, but also to help me to forgive him as well.

Shortly after reading the book, I went on a camping trip with my husband, his eldest daughter, her family as well as my in-laws. We rented a large cabin in the mountains of Utah together. It was a lovely time getting away for a while, spending time at the lake and visiting with family.

As we gathered one evening to sit down for the evening meal, I had an experience I will never forget. As everyone was dishing up their plates and chatting around the table, I suddenly felt a strong unseen presence next to me. I tried to ignore it as I choked down my food, trying to listen to the lively conversation going on around the table, but the spirit standing next to me was not going to let me ignore him any longer. I began to hear a conversation begin in my head whether I wanted to hear it or not. I sensed two spirits with me, one of which felt like a helper or a guide that was bringing the other spirit through. I had no idea who it was at first, and then he introduced himself.

He said he was Grampy.

Now, Grampy was my ex-husband’s grandfather. I wasn’t sure why Grampy would be coming through at such an inopportune moment as I was trying not to look conspicuous to anyone around the table. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was having conversations with a spirit! I took a deep breath and as discreetly as I could, I quietly asked Grampy why he was here and what he wanted.

He told me that he understood why I had divorced his grandson. He said to me that after our divorce, he held a grudge against me and held a lot of bitterness and anger toward me. He said that now that he was on the other side, he had gained some perspective about why my relationship with his grandson had ended and indeed, why it needed to end. He said that he understood now, and asked me if I would please forgive him for harboring ill-will toward me.

I was flabbergasted. Grampy had passed away a few years after my divorce and I never saw him after that. I didn’t know what to say at first. I had no idea he had any bad feelings toward me. But then I realized that he was there because he had unfinished business to complete with me, and that somehow, he needed to apologize to me in order to be released and fully move on.

“Of course I forgive you.” I said to him, under my breath. I continued, “I had no idea about any of this. I didn’t expect you to understand why I had to divorce your grandson. No one understood except me because it was a private matter between he and I.”

Then, as sincerely as I could feel the words, I let him know that I forgave him and wished him well in the afterlife.

After a few moments, his spirit slowly faded and the guide spirit also turned and faded away.

That moment had a profound impact on me. Not only did I realize that I had helped a struggling soul move on, but I realized that I had a gift. I realized I could no longer ignore instances like this. I began to understand that there was a word for people who can see and talk to spirits.

I realized that I was a Medium.

Since that time, I have had numerous conversations with spirits. I stopped ignoring little subtleties going on around me and began to sense and feel my surroundings. I began to read more books on the topic. I found myself glued to paranormal shows on the Travel Channel, learning how psychics and mediums work and operate. I learned that for many years I had effectively tuned out and turned off my abilities by burying and ignoring things that happened to me that I couldn’t explain. But people with these types of gifts should not hide their light under a bushel forever, lest they catch the brush on fire.

Today, I actively work with spirits on the other side. I talk to them. I recognize when they are around me, and I usually can find out what issue brings them my way. Sometimes it is to get a direct message to me, other times it is loved ones who have crossed over that are desperate to get a message to their living relatives.

I’m no Theresa Caputo or Kim Russo or John Edwards. I don’t exactly have a set way of opening up and connecting with spirits on the spot. I don’t travel and do readings in front of large crowds (at least not yet?!) But spirits do come to me when I am in a position to help them.

Right now, I consider myself still learning, still growing, still seeking to better understand this gift and what my role is in the greater picture of life. Would I love to connect spirits with loved ones in an effort to get important messages across? You bet. I think there is no greater honor. Just because someone has passed away, doesn’t mean they are gone for good. Spirit energy lives on and sometimes spirits can get stuck and have difficulty letting go when they have unfinished business here on earth. Maybe my role can be to help them get themselves free of the tethers that bind them here so they can be free to move on to greater worlds that await them in the afterlife.

For now, I continue to learn and grow. Some psychics have to work hard at shutting off their abilities. I got really good at that part. For many years I blocked and shut down my abilities. It was like second nature to ignore spirit signals until one day, a stubborn old man named Grampy decided he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I’m glad I listened.

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